Homesickness
(as taken from my tavelblog)
Symptoms: feeling isolated, dis-connected, alien, unknown, invisible and lonely. Perhaps slight anxiety and just a sense of a general anti-climax. It can make you become strangely and uncharacteristically patriotic and start to think warmly of things that you would formerly have ridiculed, or at least not even given a thought to.
Causes: perpetual itchy feet that lead one to foreign destinations likely to trigger the illness. If the affected person happens to like hot climates, he or she is more likely to suffer the illness if he or she travels to a cold destination, and visa versa.
Treatment: mmm… any suggestions, other than going home?
More seriously though, it is an odd thing, homesickness.
I have succumbed to indulging the sickness today. This is probably helped by the fact that Jono has accidentally taken both our house keys with him to work, so I can not even leave the house.
This homesick illness has been present for quite some time, but I am constantly pushing it to the background. I am here now, and I want to enjoy it and experience it in its full. I don’t want to whinge about a situation that I have chosen to place myself in. I am sure it will pass, or at least get less severe. But, GOD DAMN IT, I AM HOMESICK. Maybe admitting it, and wallowing in it a little bit, will make it recede to the far back regions of my brain. But this is really starting to get serious. I mean, I am looking at dusty water-starved paddocks full of hungry sheep with misty fondness! Wow. What has become of me?
And why have I travelled for long periods of time before and not felt homesick?
I guess the last time I travelled for an extended period (umm… about 9 –11 months, I think) I was moving around all the time. I didn’t really stay in any one place for much more than a few weeks at the most. This time, I am staying in the one flat (quite literally today), in the one city so there is not that same constant stimulation. And I guess it is intensified by the whole looking for work scene, which is never much fun. But it does make me wonder what it was that drove me to come here in the first place.
I guess I was about to turn 30, and I had always had the idea of getting one of those work visa’s available to people under 30 and living and working in a different country for a while. It was one of those manyana concepts. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Lots of tomorrows made lots of years, and suddenly it was deadline time. I always have been a last minute person! Problem is, by deadline time, I guess I was getting pretty comfortable with myself and where I was. There were invisible strange things like roots that I did not realise I had till I came over here and severed them. Now they want to re-attach, but it is too cold and wet here for them. But the point is, they are still there, wanting to get established. Damn it. I don’t want them there right now. I want freedom. Carelessness. Independence.
But, to balance all of this, I am very very scared of monotony and I rebel against comfort zones. So, I guess that is what this trip is about. It is punctuating my life and stopping it from becoming a meaningless ramble. It is taking me out of my comfort zone so that I can grow in new ways, not grow roots so much as branches.
Mmm... even so, today is my indulging in my homesickness day, so I am uploading pictures of things and people back home - things like SUN (oh my god how I miss it), Sandy beaches, beer, sheep... arhhhhhhhhhh.
6 comments:
After being away from home for nearly 3 years, I am still home sick. It definitely has something to do with living somewhere, as opposed to just travelling and "staying" somewhere for a while. There is also the fact that if something changes back home, I feel sad that I didn't get to experience it.
But cheer up chick, there are plenty of awesome things for you guys to do here, and before you know it, you'll be back home with the family and friends that I'm sure love you dearly!
*big hugs*
God homesickness is the worst feeling. I moved to London and came back after a week. Yes, I know I should've stuck it out - but seriously - it was one of the worst emotions I've felt.
On second thoughts..YOU MISS SHEEP?!
And why is it that the jokes are always about NZers? I don't miss the fucken sheep!
Del - shoulda smooda, methinks. Good on you for going home. Only masochists stick stuff out when they know it is not what they want to be doing! Thanks for understanding :-)
and thanks too Kass. It is nice to whinge sometimes! And, yeah, I know, I said it was getting serious. The liking sheep part is very scary, I agree... do you know a good shrink around here, just incase this thing escalates? lol
Actually..have you seen Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask? It's a Woody Allen movie from the early 70's and it actually has a scene in it (it's made up of different stories) where Gene Wilder plays a shrink who is shocked to learn that an Armenian shepherd has had sex with one of his sheep. When the man brings the sheep in, the doctor finds himself falling in love and conducting an affair with a sheep. There is a strange scene with the sheep in lingerie, with Gene
Of course there is also the giant boob, bouncing around, squirting people with it's milk lol.
You may like that movie if you haven't already seen it ;)
PS: I'm not talking shit lol Look at this picture - http://filmfanatic.org/reviews/wp-content/uploads/2006/07/WilderSheep.JPG
tehehe. I think I may have to watch it!
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